selfish to be selfless

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Early this week, I really woke up on the wrong side of the bed. This low point reminded me of how crucial it is to maintain balance. Monday went something like this:

5:30am: Gym alarm goes off. Nope, not happening today.
5:40am: Husband gets out of bed. Is he seriously going to the gym right now?
5:41am-6:00am: Husband runs up and down stairs, opening and closing doors. Making noise. And he left the door open. Doesn’t he know how tired I am? Doesn’t he know I won’t be able to get back to sleep? Today is such a long day. Why is he doing this to me?
6:00am: Husband leaves. Sends Husband rude text message complaining about how busy the day is going to be and how I don’t own any of my own time and did he stop to think that I need an extra hour due to the fact I have his softball game I said I’d go to and then the grocery store and then cook dinner.

As I laid in bed, I began on my internal, defensive rant: On Sunday, every hour of my day was with family. I had 30 minutes of the day free. I got no cooking done for the week. No cleaning, no work, no laundry, nada. I set myself up to be behind before the week even started. The misery. And Monday? Well, I was expected to go to the softball game directly from work, get home at 8pm, and make dinner (with what groceries? No time to get those either). There aren’t enough hours in the day, which is why I convinced myself that I needed this additional hour to sleep. So by this time my mind is racing and I am completely worn out before I step foot out of bed.

6:04am: Husband responds, a bit less than thrilled. I suck at being a wife sometimes.
6:30am: Rolls out of bed. Foregoes the shower. Meh. Maybe no one will notice.
7:00am: Missed call from client. ALREADY!?! See, I don’t own any of my own time.
7:20am: Husband gets home from the gym, puts his hands around my face, and says, “I appreciate you. Do you have a grocery list? I’ll go to the store. I don’t mind, I want to.” I really suck at being a wife sometimes.
7:30am: Leaves for work a half hour early. Goes to Starbucks. Sits outside. Soaks up sun. Reflects:

“An overwhelmed schedule often results in an underwhelmed soul.” These words by Lysa TerKeurst resound often in my head after I have these moments meltdowns. When schedules are jam-packed with obligations, we often lose sight of the big picture. When we put everything else before ourselves, we LOSE ourselves. Okay, I’m stressed because I’m busy, but in reality, I’m busy because I’m blessed with the opportunity. When I don’t take that “me” time, I end up resenting the plans I’ve made rather than enjoying them. While it’s not selfish to take time to do what you want to do, it is selfish to use stress as an excuse to be mean. Sometimes, we must be selfish and carve out our own time – time that belongs to us – in order to have the room to be selfless for others later.

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